Love Without Fear

Love is something that is contemplated, dissected, longed for, and feared by people everyday. Four letters arranged in a simple pattern create a word that has captivated the world’s attention since the beginning of time. Yet still not a single person can tell the true definition of love. No one can explain how it happens, why it happens, why it ends, why there are so many sides and colors of love, and why everyone craves for it. There is no lack of theories wafting through the minds of us all by means of infectious thoughts fueled by romances, movies, and the internet. Someone can devote their entire existence to this one concept, this four letter word, and still never fully comprehend it. But my issue is one that thousands face everyday for a variety of reasons: the fear of love.
I’ve been a person scared of love. Not only because it was so lacking in my childhood, but because the relationships I’d built later in life to compensate had ripped me apart in their dismantling causing my heart to turn callous and for me to cringe at the mere mention of the word. It even reached the point I’d banned it from my vocabulary receding within myself when anyone would point the word in my direction and chastising those who used it as if its meaning held no depth. To me love is something to be shared with someone special, to be cherished and constantly renewed. To this day that outlook has not changed, but rather expanded to a comprehension and exploration of the varying sides of love.
While talking to a friend tonight I had an epiphany about the way I react and communicate love to those around me. I asked her a simple question that opened up my eyes to something I had never examined before: Why not? Before I would simply give excuses of all the ways love had hurt me and stripped me of my ability to love, but excuses are just that; excuses. In asking her why not, I was also internally asking myself. And my answer was one that surprised me. It wasn’t the usual, “I loved him and he did this so I can’t love now because I don’t want to go through that again.” but instead it was something deeper. I told myself, “Why not?” Stripped of all my excuses, left to answer to my conscience I was encountered with the reality that there is no reason not to love.
Granted you are stepping out on a very short ledge with both feet when you dare to let your guards down long enough to take a chance on love, but if you have the chance to love and be loved, even if for a little while, why not? Yes, it may end in pain, but I can tell you that loving each person who has entered and then proceeded to leave my life has taught me lessons and given me memories that I’m happy to have in the recesses of my mind. I have been a victim of unrequited love, but am I really a victim when I can say that at least I was brave enough to love in the first place, and strong enough to maintain that love even when it wasn’t returned. Isn’t that what love is in the end? Self sacrifice?
Or perhaps you don’t want to fall in love; then love a friend by doing them a favor without expecting it to be returned. Love a stranger at a gas station by holding the door open for them. Love someone having a bad day by offering a smile. Love someone struggling by lending an ear.
I want to encourage you to take a leap of faith and to love, regardless of the consequences.

I am young, single, never been married, and am not expecting it in the immediate future but I have a prayer even now that when my time comes I won’t hide behind my walls of self-preservation and I fully embrace falling in love and continue to fall in love with that person year after year. I pray that I find new things to fall in love with each passing year and that when life gets hard, when love get hard, those things are what I hold onto the get me through it. That love, that renewal, a fuel that continues to burn under my relationship to keep it from falling into just another statistic, and I maintain faith.

God has given us a magnificent gift through the act of love. God communicates love to us each and everyday, so why then are we so shy to distribute it back to the people we come in contact with? Are we so greedy for this one thing that we soak up every ounce we are lucky to receive and hold it deep within us as to keep ourselves feeling loved? What about those who feel no love, who ignore the love of God and go through life feeling unloved and ultimately unlovable? You don’t have to devote your life to someone to love them; you simple have to take a step of kindness and humility. God gives us this gift to spread to others, so take a chance and ask yourself, “Why not?”.

Love and Marriage

What is it in the air these days that makes love and marriage enemies? Why are so many families falling apart and left in the ruins of divorce? Now I’m not so naive as to think that all marriage is supposed to be perfect all the time. I know that there are real issues that people face that make marriage impossible, but I find it hard believe that over a million marriages today have no choice but to end in the ruins of divorce.
One hundred years ago marriage started in your early teens and divorce was something almost unheard of. Back then people faced stresses and a life harder than we could imagine yet they made it a priority to hold their families together.
"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together." -Robert C. Dodds
I guess by now it’s obvious that I’ve come from a broken home. Between my parents and step parents there are eight failed marriages. I can’t bring myself to understand how so many “loves” can turn into so many heartbreaks. I know that love comes and goes in your dating years, but have you thought that we could be forming a pattern for our lives? That our concept of “move on when things get hard” will eventually be applied to our future relationships, regardless of a vow? We’re setting ourselves up for failure.
It may seem cold hearted, but I’ve learned one thing from the marriages in my family: what not to do. I understand that love isn’t all that a marriage is about, and I accept that with the knowledge that marriage also isn’t always easy. But there comes a point when I have to ask that if love isn’t the foundation of the marriage then why even try? It doesn’t have to be the starry-eyed, Romeo and Juliet kind of love. It can be the comfort and friendship of a shoulder to cry on. But either way if there’s not love at the end of the day, what’s the fighting really worth?
Why have so many people stopped fighting for the relationships they once vowed into? Why are so many people walking away from their families just because things got hard?
I’m not saying that divorce is wrong, and like I said earlier, at times it’s needed, but why do so many people take their vows so lightly today? Why do they enter into a marriage with the thought that if when the honeymoon phase is over and it’s not really love, they can always get out?

You know, so many people spend their lives looking for love. But rarely do they fight to keep it.
Looking at my parents marriages I’ve vowed to myself that I wasn’t going to end up like that. My earliest memories are of my parents fighting. And all I hear from their marriages now is more fighting. But they never try to work through the problems to real issues behind them. My dad is the kind of person who doesn’t show emotion, perhaps from the thought that it’s weakness, but instead of facing any problem he would rather just pretend it’s not there. Does he see the way his approach is only allowing more hatred and emotion to fester within the real problem to explode and tear his marriage apart? And my mother, she's "married" to a man who loves her more than life itself, but she’s bitter. She’s the kind of woman who has to have assurance that she is in control. She fights and argues about little things to avoid the real pain she feels. She pushes away those who love her, hurts those who love her the most. Perhaps it’s her way of saving herself the pain…? In both cases all I see is a mess of emotions and problems. I’ve learned the ways to NOT confront a problem in a marriage.


I’m young, but even so I’ve always tried to approach my relationships with an understanding that this person is different from me. There will be problems. There will be fights. But I’ve always been the person to fight for the person I love, weather it be a boyfriend or a best friend. I am not immune to divorce but I believe I’ve trained myself differently when approaching a problem. I’ve instilled patterns within myself that I can apply to my future and maintain the bond and love I will find.

I hope that if your marriage is falling apart you’ll at least consider fighting to keep it. Try to find the underlying problems and work through them together. Love and marriage may be hard, but I believe with all my heart that it’s worth it.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 "Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you in this world. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil."